On Saying "Please"
Core Themes of the Essay
Law vs. Morality
Highlighting the limitations of the legal system, which cannot enforce good manners or punish discourtesy.
Contagion of Moods
Demonstrating how bad tempers and good manners are both highly infectious, passing rapidly from person to person.
Spiritual Victory
Arguing that responding to rudeness with extreme politeness offers a moral triumph over the offender.
The Lift-Man Incident
Gardiner introduces a compelling anecdote about a lift-man (elevator operator). A passenger boarded and demanded "Top," refusing to say "Top, please." Feeling his social standing was insulted, the lift-man threw the passenger out of the elevator.
Though the lift-man was morally justified in wanting basic courtesy, he broke the law by using physical violence. This incident perfectly illustrates the limits of legal systems regarding personal manners.
Comparing Law and Morality
| Aspect | Legal Offences | Moral Offences (Bad Manners) |
|---|---|---|
| Examples | Physical violence, theft, assault. | Haughtiness, rude tone, ungratefulness. |
| Consequences | Punishable by the justice system. | No legal penalty; cannot be sued. |
| Impact on Victims | Physical pain, which usually heals. | Laceration of feelings, which lingers. |
| Gardiner's View | Law must be rigid to prevent chaos. | Poisons the stream of general life worse than crimes. |
The Infection of Moods
Bad Tempers
Bad manners are highly contagious. Imagine a boss yelling at an employee; that employee goes on to snap at a clerk, and the clerk is rude to a customer. This chain reaction poisons the general atmosphere of society far more than isolated physical crimes do.
Good Manners
Fortunately, politeness is equally contagious. A cheerful greeting, a smile, or a simple "Thank You" can uplift a person's spirit, prompting them to naturally pass on that positive energy to the next person they encounter.
The Polite Bus Conductor
To contrast with the violent lift-man, Gardiner introduces a remarkably cheerful bus conductor. This conductor paid Gardiner's fare when the author realized he had forgotten his wallet. On another occasion, he apologized profusely and genuinely when accidentally stepping on Gardiner's toe with heavy boots. His unwavering politeness created a pleasant, stress-free environment for everyone on board.
To the Elderly
He was as considerate as a loving son, ensuring they were comfortable and safe during their journey.
To Children
He was as solicitous as a father, always engaging them and keeping them safe on the busy bus.
To the Blind
He would safely guide them across the busy road, showing immense empathy and structural care.
The Social "Small Change"
Gardiner argues that we do not need grand gestures to maintain a civilized society. The "Magic Words" — "Please" and "Thank You" — act as the fundamental lubricant that prevents friction in our daily interactions, ensuring a friendly and cooperative community.
The Sweetest Revenge
Fighting rudeness with violence only diminishes you. Gardiner concludes that the ultimate response to a boorish person is extreme, unwavering politeness. It protects your peace of mind and secures a spiritual victory that anger never could.
"They are the little courtesies by which we keep the machine of life oiled and running sweetly. They put our intercourse upon the basis of a friendly cooperation."
— A.G. Gardiner, On Saying "Please"
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